Friends, I have been on dates with quite a few people in my recent past. Considering the vast majority of them didn’t get past the first date, I can honestly say that dating has been a frustrating and disappointing experience.
It sometimes seems way too easy to end up with someone who is just “good enough” just so you won’t be lonely.
Speaking entirely from personal experience, and with a boatload of pure, unadulterated hope for my future, I implore you to demand the treatment you deserve. As a human being, you are entitled to a significant amount of respect and decency– ESPECIALLY from those you are considering romantic partners.
I’ve learned that the bar is never too high. People will surprise you. I’ve also learned to be on the lookout for some serious red flags that let me know that this person is not right for me at this point in time.
I’ve listed some of these warning signs below. Every single one of these points comes from my personal experience or from the experiences of my closest friends. Let that sink in for a moment.
Some are (of course) more critical than others… but I encourage you to keep your own list, and to consult it regularly. Demand from yourself that you choose partners who treat you well, and don’t accept anything less.
Life is WAY too short for guys who:
- PMS
- PMS and then blame their behavior on you
- Ever blame you for their behavior
- Invite you on a date and refuse to speak to you
- Say: “Sometimes I just want to be an ass.”
- Laugh at you when you’re concerned about them
- Tell you they’re used to being the only one who has issues
- Insult you
- Only talk about themselves
- Say: “You can get your own door”
- Give you whiplash with their mood swings
- Make you wonder if you’re doing something wrong
- Imply that you’re stupid, naiive, or “young”
- Can’t carry a conversation in a bucket
- Get mad at your reaction to their unacceptable behavior
- Ignore you
- Tell you they “might have to crash on your couch for a month”
- Insist that stormtroopers would win against ewoks
- Make you feel uncomfortable
- Always finish first
- Criticize the way you play with your dog
- Refer to your dog as “our” dog
- Drink so much you have to drive their plastered self back home
- Can’t remember your first date
- Make YOU feel like the crazy one
- Shock you
- Show up to a date stoned out of their mind
- Judge your decisions
- Don’t ask you to dance when swing and two-step are being played at the bar
- Make fun of your drink choices
- Don’t compliment your hair
- Don’t compliment your clothes
- Say: “If this were a first date, I would have already left.”
- Scare you when they drive
- Get in fights
- Dance with other guys’ girls
- Say: “You hate music.”
- Hurt you
- Convince you to apologize for every situation
- Make you want to lie to your friends and family
- Destroy objects that don’t belong to them
- Talk back to their mothers
- Make you walk street-side when you’re both on the sidewalk
- Always walk a step or two ahead of you
- Dismiss your suggestions for the evening
- Are picky eaters
- Lack imagination
- Charm every girl in a five mile radius
- Avoid snuggling
- Kiss badly
- Talk a big game
- Make you want to go home
- Act with complete inconsistency
- Spend every free minute drinking
- Use your dishes and wash them badly
- Ask you to cook for them, but never cook for you
- Say: “You’re just so… intense”
- Make racist/gay/sexist jokes
- Fat-shame you or others
- Don’t act their age
- Leave you hanging
- Ruin your lipstick and THEN your mascara
- Don’t respond when you ask for help
- Get angry/sarcastic with you
- Only compliment you after someone else does
- Grumble about the possibility of taking the dog out
- Stay at the bar when your baby is in the emergency room
- Ask if you’ll give your dog away because he’s “too big”
- Don’t offer to carry your heavy items
- Ditch you
- Fight with you over text
- Neglect to tell you that they have a child
- Remain silent when “good morning” and “good night” texts would be appropriate
- Don’t like Disney movies
- Complain about re-watching Game of Thrones with you
- Have zero hobbies/interests
- Invite you to go hang out with their female friend and them when they’re “just drinking”
- Scoff at you (for any reason)
- Can’t keep it up
- Imply that you’re “prudish”
- Neglect to tell you that they have a girlfriend
- Conveniently forget your dietary choices
- Read your blog and end the relationship by stating that “we’re just too different.”
- Invite you on a date, hoping that you’ll “fix them up” or improve their sulky mood
- Can’t remember your allergies
- Only want to be with you while they’re drunk
- Make fun of you for hosting dinner parties
- Debate your word choice
- Cause you to feel bad about the awesome person that you are
- Don’t have a big boy job
- Scare you
- Lead you on
- Ghost you for weeks at a time
- Only want to hang out when they ask you
- Invite you out at meal time, but don’t feed you
- Haven’t read Harry Potter
- Use emotional blackmail
- Act badly toward you for no conceivable reason
- Talk about other girls when they’re with you
- Spend the entire evening on their phone, flipping through facebook
- Don’t support you
- Only want to hang out at your place (or their place)
- Are rude to you in public
- Don’t show appreciation for the nice things you do for them
- Make you wonder if you have maybe set the bar too high
- Are above saying they’re sorry
- Don’t listen when you’re telling a story
- Criticize your thoughts
- Fight you over your fundamental beliefs
- Leave you feeling lonely when you’re with them
- Say: “You’re just too nice.”
- Make you bend over backwards to be in a relationship with them
- Complain about using protection
- Only use your name when they’re angry with you
- Don’t have a favorite color, song, book, band, movie, or tv show
- String you along as a romantic backup plan
- Compliment your body but not your mind
- Drink and drive
- Become the main subject of most of your therapy sessions
- Aren’t in love with your personality
- Handle you roughly
- Deliberately hurt your feelings
- Make you wait
- Get arrested
- Refuse to drive when you go out together
- Threaten you (even subtly/emotionally)
- Make you doubt yourself
- Treat the waitstaff poorly
- Don’t understand that “no” means no
- Pressure you
- Yell at you over the phone
- Take you for granted
- Share their food by feeding you with their fork
- Somehow manage to get out of everything
- Pester you with unimportant calls when you’re out with your friends
- Lie to you
- Take everything too literally
- Look down on other people
- Are way too obsessed with their job
- Don’t care if you’re having a good time
- Never notice when you’re unhappy
- Expect you to do all the work
- Dismiss your worries
- Don’t call you back
- Go out with another girl too soon after you break up
- Cheat on you
- See you shivering and don’t offer you their jacket
- Have a problem with LGBT+ rights
- Say: “I’m sorry I did that, but you…”
- Would prefer a night of Halo over hanging out with you
- Can’t take care of their own business
- Need a babysitter
- Assert that you don’t even know them
- Don’t take care of their mental/physical health
- Lack social skills
- Can’t take a hint
- Don’t hold your hand when you’re out together
- Make you feel relieved to be out of their presence
- Don’t dress appropriately for the occasion
- Push your boundaries
“Ain’t nobody got time for that!!”